Guilt or Regret about Tubes Tied…
Posted On: Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008
Is it PTLS or another medical or gynecologic problem?
The symptoms of Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome (PTLS) can be widespread and pervasive. Women who have problems after a tubal ligation, however, may not have PTLS. Another medical or gynecological condition may be at the root of the symptoms. The prior article in this series on PTLS reviewed medical and gynecologic disorders that may cause menstrual problems after a tubal ligation.
Over 7,000 tubal ligation reversals have been performed at Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center. We have had the opportunity to see the impact on these women whose tubes have been tied and who, having regretted that decision, have had their tubes untied.
Under what circumstances were the tubes tied?
Often, the decision to have a one’s tubes tied is made under stressful circumstances. Sometimes the decision to have the tubes untied is made under similar circumstances. The staff of Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center has compiled a list of stressful reasons women have had tubal ligations or have come to us seeking ligation reversal. Stressful circumstances under which patients sometimes have a sterilization procedure or a sterilization reversal include:
• Forced by parent or spouse
• Pressured by doctor
• Frightened by medical conditions or illness
• Mid-life crises
• Empty nest syndrome
• Infidelity
• Divorce
• Death of spouse
• Fear of birth control risks
• Decision while in poverty
• Decision during period of substance abuse
• Illness/death of close family member
• Sterilization while in an abusive relationship
• Death of a child
• Religious conversion
Regret and guilt can be powerful forces on any individual. Given the appropriate stressful circumstances these feelings can be amplified and can spread into other aspects of ones life. When decisions are made under stressful conditions, as listed above, one can easily see how this may leave a lasting sense of remorse upon any individual. The sense of remorse can be even more dramatic when the thought is suppressed and eventually emerges in the future during a stressful life event. Then consider the sense of regret and how these feeling could be increased as a person grows older and wiser when a person finds their ‘life’s match’ or if their pastor tells them they ‘violated the will of God’ by having their ‘tubes tied’.
How common is regret after tubal sterilization?
Most women do not regret their decision to have a tubal ligation. However, 1 out of 4 women will regret their decision about having their tubes tied. This was shown in the CREST Study mentioned in a previous article.
Offering Hope at Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center
The tubal ligation reversal experts at Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center help women in reversing these ‘permanent’ decisions when they are no longer the right decisions for individuals and couples. We have helped many patients come by restoring the hope of new life and the chance for some to relieve their burdens of guilt and regret.
This is the fourth article of a fourteen part series on PTLS and associated medical conditions. The fifth article, Psychological Conditions or Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome?, will address common psychological conditions that could be masquerading as Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome.
Readers can also view patient submitted stories about their menstrual symptoms, reasons for reversing tubal ligation, and outcomes after reversal reversal surgery. Each patient’s story is listed below:
Meet Momzilla
Meet Andrea
Meet Rebecca
Meet Praybelieving
Meet Katherine
We invite readers to join the Tubal Reversal Message Board to discuss and share personal experiences with tubal ligation. We also invite women with post tubal ligation symptoms to join the PTLS Forum and share personal experiences with worsening physical or mental symptoms noticed after tubal ligation.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:50 am
A common concern I hear when I speak with a potential patient is her belief that she is the only person who has changed her mind about having had a tubal ligation. This blog shows how many reasons there are for a change of heart and the reasons women desire a reversal after a tubal ligation.
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:10 pm
I am glad that we are able to help the ladies that want to reverse their decisions, whether it’s because they want more children or wanting to feel “whole again”. Giving people a second chance is an important aspect of what all of us do at Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center.
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Women sharing their reasons for tubal ligation is within itself a healing tool. Thanks to all who shared so that Dr. Montheith could write about this on his blog. We all have different passages in life.It’s great to know that tubal reversal is an option just as tubal ligation was for that particular time in one’s life.
September 23rd, 2008 at 2:24 pm
It is very rewarding to see renewed hope everyday I come to work. Whether it be from PTLS syptoms, or other menstrual problems after a tubal ligation, or for families that desire to add a new member.
September 23rd, 2008 at 2:30 pm
In addition to the fact that so many women have regrets for having their tubes tied, there are so many women out there yet who believe that their tubal ligation is permanent, but in fact, tubal reversal here at Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center is successful in 98% of the ligations performed.
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:30 pm
We are all very happy that we are able to provide patients with a second chance, regardless of their reason for initially choosing sterilization surgery.
September 24th, 2008 at 4:42 am
Thank you Dr Monteith, excellent topic and forum for our ladies who have come to us for reversal of their tied tubes. My life is touched daily by their stories and their reasons for coming to Chapel Hill.
September 24th, 2008 at 8:54 am
I had my tubes tied while undergoing my 4th D&C following miscarriage and my husband’s father was undergoing chemo treatments for recurrent lung cancer. To say it was a stressful time is an understatement. I started regretting my decision when I got my first period after but not because I wanted another baby at that time – my period was nine days long with the most intense cramping and heavy bleeding I had ever experienced. I thought something was not right. Every month my period came was torture due to the pain. About 6 months after my TL I began investigating TR though it took years before we were able to get it done.
We were fortunate enough to have had a baby after my TR but the relief from PTLS was worth it no matter what!
September 25th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Unfortunately during stressful times is the worst time to make any life changing decision, but that is when most of us feel the need to “do something” rather than endure the current stressor. In the case of tubal reversal, fortunately this is a real and sucessful solution to making a wrong decision right.
September 26th, 2008 at 11:54 am
I thank God for this web site because it let know I am not alone. I desire to have more kids. I had my tubes tied from pressure from family. I really regret it and it’s frustrating. I need help. I have been married for 12 years and me and my husband desire another child, just trying now to come up with the right amount of funds.
September 27th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
I regret tying my tubes so much it hurts me. My ex-husband was extremely selfish he had already been married before me and has 4 children my daughter made 5 kids after having a miserable pregancy i thought i didn’t want anymore kids but now my daughter is 4years old with no one to play with, i regret it and i met a wonderful man that helps me with my daughter, he is a excellent farther and we want so bad to have a child together.
October 1st, 2008 at 1:07 pm
My TL was performed during the c-section of our 3rd child. I was laying there dizzy from anesthesia and at that particular moment the doctor asked if I wanted more children. The next thing I knew I was authorizing a TL. The moment I held our baby girl I sobbed… I knew I had made a terrible decision; the regret was instantaneous. It took 5 years before I could “right” my “wrong” and finding Dr. Berger was right for me… I’m still praying for my tiny miracle. I also no longer suffer long, heavy and painful periods!
October 2nd, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Sometimes, what seems like the right choice at that moment may end up being something that you regret doing. As time passes, and your situation changes, your outlook on life does too. I am happy to be a part of the team that can change the choice that was made in the past, for whatever reason it was made.
October 6th, 2008 at 7:03 am
I am glad to be a part of a team that cares for their patients enough to go above and beyond to provide answers.
October 8th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
I am not sure what questions to ask? I am 29 years old and have had my tubes tied for 8 years now. I have always felt that it was the wrong choice to make but under the stress at that time I followed my bad choice! I really want to have this reversed but I do not know how or where to get this done. My Husband and I really want to share the joy of being parents! We live in Alberta Canada and are lost in the area of finding help close to us, if any one could help with any info please let me know!
my e-mail is bumm_bleb_ee@hotmail.com
Thank you so very much
October 9th, 2008 at 8:30 am
Melissa
I have sent you a personal email to help answer your questions.
January 21st, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Hi Melissa. I am in the same boat as you.I was 22 when I had my tubal. I live near Edmonton and looking for Dr to do reversal. If you get a response pls drop me an email. It’s barb_stump@hotmail.com. Thanks so much
January 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm
I had my TL during my second C-section and regretted it the very moment I held our daughter. Well, when Brenna was 7 months old she was diagnosed with Leukemia and passed away at 18 months. Brenna truly was our little angel.
It has been a 1 1/2 years since she passed. My husband and I now believe that we are meant to have this TR. I was overrun with guilt and regret!
March 5th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
[...] tubal reversal or IVF the better treatment for women who have had their tubes tied (tubal ligation procedure) and now want to become pregnant [...]
April 17th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
I too was presured by family to have my tubes tied 15yrs ago. I started regreting it 12yrs ago and at 41 its still there. My husband and I been together for 22yrs and now he’s feeling it too and now that I finally told him it wasn’t all my decission (mothers know best). It is stressfull to come up with the finance and your chances is already 35%. What can I do since we are all in finacial crisses we need to betogether for another 22yrs.
June 3rd, 2009 at 4:40 pm
I want another baby but I’ve had a tubal done and I have questions about the procedure. I really need your help.
June 3rd, 2009 at 4:47 pm
NICOLE 27 – Call (919) 968-4656 to speak with a Tubal Reversal Nurse. She will be able to help you.
June 15th, 2009 at 7:33 am
I thought I was crazy to have the feelings I am having. I REGRET having my tubes tied. At the time, I didn’t want any more children from my then husband (I was only 24). Now, 28, I am remarried and my husband wants another child and so do I. I WILL contact the Chapel Hill crew for a TR. I am so excited that we will be able to try for a child together (maybe two!).
July 11th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Hi, I had my tubes tied about 12 years ago. I was young and had already had 4 kids with 3 different guys. So I got my tubes tied. But now I am 37 years old and I am married to a wonderful christian man who does not have any kids and would almost kill to be a dad. We do okay but tubal reversals and IVFs cost a lot of money. I am filled with guilt. I would love to experience being pregnant again now that I am an adult. What should I do?
July 11th, 2009 at 10:23 am
Call (919) 968-4656 and ask for Ericka Pamplin. She can assist you with a low cost prepayment plan for tubal reversal at Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center.
September 1st, 2009 at 10:08 am
I had my tubes tied and I really would like another baby. My mother advised me to have my tubes tied. I cry sometimes because I really want a baby for my husband and can’t. We just don’t have the money now.But if any one knows of any Doctor that can help me and we can pay like a payment plan to reverse my tubes. Please let me know.
September 1st, 2009 at 10:46 am
Lonna
We do have a pre-payment option for tubal reversal. Please call (919) 968-4656 for more information.
October 11th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
Hi
I had my tubal sterilisation by bilateral method 8 years ago when I was 27 and now my husband and myself want another child badly. I was made to do this under difficult circumstances and was told that I could always reverse that If we needed another baby, but never was advised what tubal reversal would cost or about the success rates. I feel so guilty now and regret that decision. I very badly want to get my tubal ligation reversed and have another baby. We live in New Zealand and not sure who does it here. Can you pealse advise me the cheapest way of getting reversald done here in NZ? My email address is sumajos@gmail.com, God Bless !
October 11th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
I don’t know of doctors in New Zealand who perform tubal ligation reversal. If you would consider coming to the US for your surgery, please contact our Nurse Administrator, Julia Smith RN. She will be able to help you.
November 13th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
[...] you have your tubes tied but wish a pregnancy after tubal ligation, select the tubal reversal doctors at Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center [...]
November 13th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
[...] you have your tubes tied but wish a pregnancy after tubal ligation, select the tubal reversal doctors at Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center [...]
November 16th, 2009 at 11:21 am
[...] difficulties.Although many of these people do have tragic circumstances behind their reasons and regret about tubes tied, we have not been able to offer free sterilization reversal to these patients. Due to the costs of [...]
December 5th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
[...] you have your tubes tied but wish a pregnancy after tubal ligation, select the surgeons at Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center [...]
December 7th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
[...] for the best tubal surgeon for your blocked fallopian tubes or for reversing having had your tubes tied. Read the resources available. Ask the staff your questions. Meet other women on the message board. [...]
February 9th, 2010 at 4:34 pm
[...] entertaining, personal stories!This is when I first began to hear about her tubal ligation, her regret about having her tubes tied, and her desire to have a tubal reversal at Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center.Tubal Ligation and [...]
March 17th, 2010 at 1:15 am
My tubes were cut and tied. How can I get pregnant again?
March 17th, 2010 at 7:21 am
Littlebandy
You only have two options to become pregnant after your tubes have been tied: tubal reversal surgery or IVF .
April 29th, 2010 at 3:05 am
[...] for the best tubal surgeon for your blocked fallopian tubes or for reversing having had your tubes tied. Read the resources available. Ask the staff your questions. Meet other women on the message [...]
May 9th, 2010 at 10:19 am
[...] the most excellent tubal surgeon for your blocked fallopian tubes or for reversing having has your tubes tied. Read the resources available for proof your tubes can be untied [...]
May 16th, 2010 at 8:21 pm
I had two children and i had a tubal which consisted of being cut, burnt and tied. My husband and I really are considering having another child now we are at a more financially stable, and closer and more responsible than ever we are at a lost and would really appreciate any advice you could help us with. God bless and thank you for your time and consideration in this matter sincerely the Adams family
June 15th, 2010 at 5:26 am
[...] secure and happy. Until, one day in 2004, Bryan came home, and I was crying. I told him I deeply regretted our decision for a tubal ligation, and was desperate to have another baby with him. I didn’t want to sound ungrateful, I was [...]
June 22nd, 2010 at 9:54 am
[...] you decide you do wish another child after having your tubes tied, there is a method to reverse your female sterilization. This method is called tubal reversal. You [...]
June 26th, 2010 at 5:28 pm
[...] you have your tubes tied but wish a pregnancy after tubal ligation, select the surgeons at Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center [...]
June 30th, 2010 at 4:33 am
[...] for the best tubal surgeon for your blocked fallopian tubes or for reversing tubes tied. Read the resources available. Ask the staff your questions. Meet other women on the message [...]
July 1st, 2010 at 12:13 am
[...] for the best tubal surgeon for your blocked fallopian tubes or for reversing having had your tubes tied. Read the resources available. Ask the staff your questions. Meet other women on the message board. [...]
August 5th, 2010 at 1:13 am
I am 33 years old I had my tubes tied 5 years ago and I was wondering if it would be safe to have kids at my age.The reason I had my tubes tied is my older sibling had a rare cancer as a young child an was told I could pass it to my kids and my kids dad was also abusive. Now that he’s out of my life I wanted to see if its safe at my age to even have kids. I hate that my tubes were cut an tied my cycle is 2weeks long and the cramps are very bad. The other thing is the money part of it. I can’t really afford the high cost up front and its so expensive and I’m looking for some help on this.like other they have a husband are someone to help but I do not have this so I’m hoping you all can help me out with something .
August 5th, 2010 at 6:29 am
Alicia
It is safe to have a tubal reversal at your age as long as you don’t have any serious health conditions. Unfortunately there is not much financial assistance for tubal ligation reversal surgery or in-vitro fertilization. Many patients will pay for the surgery themselves. We have a pre-payment tubal reversal account that you can start, pay over time for your surgery, and when you have the full amount then you can have reversal surgery with us.
September 14th, 2010 at 6:16 pm
[...] I knew from the minute I had my tubes tied it was a mistake. When I got back to work I started researching tubal reversal. In hindsight I knew the decision was [...]
November 19th, 2010 at 12:13 am
I have gestational diabetes and am having my third baby in two weeks and am unsure if I should get my tubes tied? I am 27 years old and my partner left me early in this pregnancy to do this by myself which makes me feel I don’t want any more kids! I am having financial troubles and being a single parent of now three is not easy! Am I making this decision to get my tubes tied based on my current stressful situation and therefore may regret it? I also hate giving myself insulin shots which was another reason for getting my tubes tied BUT I just feel so confused! Any suggestions?
November 19th, 2010 at 11:07 am
In general if you have doubts then I would not have a female sterilization procedure.
January 7th, 2011 at 7:35 am
Hi Reed, I also had gestational diabetes with my three pregnancies and was advised by my doc to have a TL. I Regret it so badly and wish I never had it done
February 3rd, 2011 at 5:22 pm
I had the TL because my mother and Doctor were pressuring me and putting things into my head and I finally gave in and did it. I had my daughter in Feb. and wasnt going to do it until they just kept and kept and kept pressuring me, I ended up doing it in May of the same year. I regret it because I have always wanted a big family, I have my husband now and I would love nothing more to add to my family. I think I also did it because having children isnt the cheapest, but now that we have graduated college and on the path to a better life, I want nothing more but to have atl east 2 more babies. I wish there was some way to reverse the tubal ligation, but it still is so spendy!
February 15th, 2011 at 1:41 pm
[...] desire to have another child begins to emerge.Post Tubal Ligation Symptoms: Depression And RegretTubal regret is a common post tubal ligation symptom. For some this regret of having made a permanent decision [...]
March 31st, 2011 at 5:46 pm
I had my tubes tied when I was 21. I got them tied because I kept meeting low life guys that promised me the world. Well after two times of that, I decided since I had a boy and a girl, I had one to carry on the name and one to bear children. Well now I have met the man of my dreams and my best friend. We’ve been together almost 12 yrs. I really want to make his dreams come true., as well as mine. But my question is am I too old to get a tubal reversal? I’m now 34, I’ll be 35 in June of this year.
March 31st, 2011 at 5:53 pm
Amanda Jarrad, SC – You are not too old for tubal reversal! In fact you are at the average age for our patients at Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center. Here is discussion on the Tubal Reversal Message Board that you may find useful about tubal reversal at age 35 or older.
July 25th, 2011 at 5:37 pm
the procedure cost like $5000.00 does that have to be paid all at once or can you make payments? my husband and i have 4 children between us, only one of which is ours together and we are ready to have another one maybe 2 together it would be fine to pay it all at once, but much easier to make payments, what should we do?
July 25th, 2011 at 5:42 pm
The tubal reversal procedure at Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center costs between $5900 to $6900. We also have a prepayment account where you can pay towards your surgery over time. When you have the full amount you can then schedule your tubal reversal surgery.
August 10th, 2011 at 10:23 pm
To anyone who is thinking about getting a tubal ligation: only do it if you are 100% sure! I am 37 years old have been married for 12 years. After having my two boys I could not let go of the feeling of wanting one more. 7 years after my second child I gave birth to my third and had the tubal right after my c-section. I was sure that after I had my 3rd child I would feel that my family was complete and that I was done having children. Today, I regret that decision.
October 27th, 2011 at 2:17 pm
i am 26 years old i have 5 children already but after i had my fifth child in june 2011 i thought i made the right decision to have my tubes tied but i am finding it more and more harder everyday to live with my decision when i had mine done the doctor told me that it was permant and that there would be no going back i thought i knew what i wanted then but now im so miserable it feels like a part of my women hood was stripped from me i never knew i would feel like this i wish someone wouldve told me about the emotional feeling that comes with cutting off my women hood. the doctor that did mine said they were cutting and burning my tubes so i could have no reversal is that true please let me know something thank you. LaTeresa my email is greggurl06@hotmail.com
October 27th, 2011 at 4:50 pm
LaTeresa – Even after the tubes have been cut and burned, reversal is possible in almost all cases.
January 8th, 2012 at 8:07 pm
I have 4 kids after my 4th I had my tubes tied cause I was told I couldn’t have anymore kids, cause I’ve had 4 c- section, but I feel lost, want to have another kid, I made some wrong choices, is it true that after 4 c-section u can’t have anymore, if it is not true I want my tubes untied, but in all honesty I don’t know if my tubes were cut and burned,
January 8th, 2012 at 9:44 pm
Elisabeth 26 – It is possible to have your tubes repaired even after 4 c-sections.
January 18th, 2012 at 1:09 pm
I am 36 years old i regret tieing and burning my tubes now that i am with a man i love i wish i can change that. i have five kids of my own we both want a child but cant no money. The docs kept telling me to tie my tubes saying i have high risk
.Some time i want to cry well most of the time thinking about having a baby.